073

the depression was back, full throttle at times but still controllable.
it was just back and this underlying lingering presence.
that strange crackling noise you hear when walking through the streets at night but every time you look there's nothing there.
but then you let your guard down one night because you think "ha, it's just nothing, silly, remember?"
and then there's this shadow looming over you as you stoop down to tie your shoelaces
but before you can turn to look or utter a word the shadow dances and grows
and suddenly there's this overwhelming numbing pain with blackness infringing on the edges threatening to pull you under.
you regret letting your guard down now because you were right to be a paranoid bastard
and you should never have let yourself be less cautious when you were so sure that something bad was coming.
too fucking late.
the shadow is completely covering you now and painpainpain is everywhere.
and when it ends you just feel so empty and tired and angry and stupid and and and.
you spend the next four days two weeks lying in bed feeling absolutely nothing and everything all at once.
the darkness won and you lost.
life goes on but you can't find the energy inside to get up and move along with it.