making believe

080

Mon, 08 Jan 2024 04:15:25 GMT

this festive facade is exhausting
i wanted to die a week ago

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079

Tue, 19 Aug 2014 21:34:02 GMT

I’m still depressed, but how depressed I am varies, which is good.
Much of the time, it’s a comfortable numbness
that just makes things feel muted.
Other times, I’m standing in the shower or something
and I can feel the nothingness hurtling toward me
at eight thousand miles per hour
and there’s nothing I can really do aside from
let it happen and wait until it goes away again.

—
Allie Brosh, Hyperbole and a Half

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078

Mon, 09 Jun 2014 20:37:54 GMT

Music!

What band has made the biggest impact in your life, and why?
This is a tough question, but I'd say blink-182 or My Chemical Romance. blink got me into poppunk, which bridged the way to punk-a genre that has impacted my life greatly. MCR is just that band that you get into and never stop loving. The hiatus was terrible, but I understand that after so many years, individually, the members needed to move on from MCR. A lot of the songs I could relate to, which I think is why a lot of people say one band or another struck them so hard. For me, I got into them when I was younger, 14 or 15, and just starting high school. I was alone, I was miserable. I struggled with many issues and this band seemed to pour out similar emotions. It helped. McFly as well. I've been a fan since day one, or around there-I got into them, again at 14, when 5 Colours in her Hair was being aired on every music video channel. I fell hard for their quirky poppy lyrics but found so much more. 5 Colours doesn't make you think 'serious band' but this band truly is capable. Again, so many songs I could relate to. Just a great band, still sticking with them, forever not getting over hhow grown up they are now (and the fact that Dougie pretty much grew up with the band and the boys).

( Read more... )

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077

Mon, 09 Jun 2014 20:15:31 GMT

all time high at an all time low
crashing crashing crashing
as i float up and up and up
gravity can't catch me now
crashing down again

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076

Mon, 09 Jun 2014 00:39:47 GMT

frail nerves can bend the strongest of spines
and strong words can break a person in two

X

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075

Sun, 08 Jun 2014 19:35:21 GMT

depression is an invisible anchor
tied tight around your waist ~~(lungs)~~
dragging you underwater
everyone else floating above oblivious to the suffering fool
drowning yet still alive
breathing underwater never seemed so scary before

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074

Sat, 07 Jun 2014 17:43:38 GMT

5 seconds of summer; aka pop punk is making a comeback and these four aussie lads are at the forefront and it is fucking beautiful

( Read more... )

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073

Mon, 19 May 2014 19:59:26 GMT

the depression was back, full throttle at times but still controllable.
it was just back and this underlying lingering presence.
that strange crackling noise you hear when walking through the streets at night but every time you look there's nothing there.
but then you let your guard down one night because you think "ha, it's just nothing, silly, remember?"
and then there's this shadow looming over you as you stoop down to tie your shoelaces
but before you can turn to look or utter a word the shadow dances and grows
and suddenly there's this overwhelming numbing pain with blackness infringing on the edges threatening to pull you under.
you regret letting your guard down now because you were right to be a paranoid bastard
and you should never have let yourself be less cautious when you were so sure that something bad was coming.
too fucking late.
the shadow is completely covering you now and painpainpain is everywhere.
and when it ends you just feel so empty and tired and angry and stupid and and and.
you spend the next four days two weeks lying in bed feeling absolutely nothing and everything all at once.
the darkness won and you lost.
life goes on but you can't find the energy inside to get up and move along with it.

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072

Tue, 08 Apr 2014 19:32:05 GMT

friday5!film/tv/entertainment!

( diana oh oh oh oh )

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071

Thu, 03 Apr 2014 03:39:59 GMT

i'm scared to get close and i hate being alone
i long for that feeling to not feel at all
the higher i get the lower i'll sink
i can't drown my demons
they know how to swim

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070

Sat, 29 Mar 2014 21:48:03 GMT

find the exit signs
and disappear

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069

Mon, 03 Mar 2014 21:41:36 GMT

amazing how life turns out the way that it does
we end up hurting the worst
the only ones we really love

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068

Sun, 02 Mar 2014 01:10:36 GMT

i think that i might be falling again
it's like my mind has gone into overdrive
spiraling out of control and bringing my body down with it
i can't feel or think or sleep or eat
(i try to but i just can't and it hurts)
i feel tired and sick sick and tired
i just want to curl up and sleep forever
(except you really can't because at some point you need to
wake up wake up wake up
but i'd really rather not)
or at least until this awful empty nothing decides to vacate my mind
(it never really does it's always there
it's bright neon flashing alert or
it's black hidden silent invisible)

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067

Mon, 06 Jan 2014 01:24:37 GMT

water broken voice saturates a microphone
into a receiver with no tongue
offering little to what it knows
then a silence so heavy
broken hearts fall from throats
when heaven is remembered but never seen
through hearts shaped like kaleidoscopes
eternally the sun has set to mourning
and contoured are the backgrounds
on the canvas to which our lives are painted

credit

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066

Wed, 13 Nov 2013 20:28:58 GMT

(late) friday five!

( birthdays )

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065

Fri, 25 Oct 2013 01:02:49 GMT

( Cellphones! )

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064

Tue, 17 Sep 2013 20:56:07 GMT

posting more favourite teen wolf fanart because this fandom has so many incredibly talented people in it<3

==[click image for credit]==

( beautiful<3 )

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063

Tue, 17 Sep 2013 03:29:59 GMT

Time to be social!

( Read more... )

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062

Tue, 17 Sep 2013 02:35:26 GMT

i hear voices when no one's around
silent voices that no one can see
i hear voices that don't make a sound
they crawl in my face and won't leave me alone
feels so nice and hopeless

and i can see you coming
from the edge of the room
smiling in the streetlight
even with my eyes shut tight
i still see you coming now

silhouettes In the entrance
of your faded yellow hallway
from the light of the street lamp on your corner
and in time oh the hours and the minutes
but lately as the seconds stare and all the years

like last night they are not like tremors
they are worse than tremors
they are these terrors and it's like
it feels like as if somebody
was gripping my throat and squeezing and

__________________________________________________
[click images for credit link]

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061

Mon, 09 Sep 2013 21:35:22 GMT

Time to be social!

( its hard believe me )

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060

Sun, 01 Sep 2013 00:17:22 GMT

dylan o'brien picspam

i just happened to step into acting
and now i can't imagine myself doing anything else

( genius boy )

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059

Sat, 24 Aug 2013 21:29:25 GMT

thefridayfive

( a little lost a little out of time )

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058

Fri, 23 Aug 2013 02:15:15 GMT

it's that tightening in your chest the pain clenching and unclenching as your lungs fight for the oxygen so desperately
there's a barrier slotted down sharp against your tongue blocking the passageway from the outside into the lungs
air stops abruptly hitting this invisible wall and crumbling down gathering like ash from a molten volcano in your mouth
dizziness swirls around and inside your head the pressure too much like a vice clamping down on your skull
thoughts so scattered as they flutter to the still open spaces not being invaded by this sudden vicious presence
black spots dance in your vision your brain as starved as your lungs and you gasp and sink and still there is nothing
fists clenched tight the skin of your palms splitting open in moon crescent shapes as nails dig in
you blink and tears slither tiny drops escaping and making tracks down your cheeks red and blotchy
the dark stark crimson swelling in your cheeks and in your eyes a vivid contrast against the white of your skin
your whole body revolting as you try desperately to force your mind to take back control and fix it
fix the pain and the hate and the ever ending flood of bad thoughts and gasps for air and bleeding palms

(and deep inside the confines of your mind you're thinking maybe just this once it wouldn't be so bad to give in)

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057

Fri, 23 Aug 2013 01:59:19 GMT

10 FAVOURITES:
Colour: green
Food: vegetarian
Band/Singer: social distortion
Song: reach for the sky
Movie: wizard of oz
Sport: chess
Season: autumn
Day of the Week: none
Ice Cream Flavour: vanilla

( and all those things i could never say )

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056

Mon, 19 Aug 2013 12:54:19 GMT

credit

you started staring at the walls again and the pictures turned back into empty frames
your sense will go before your looks leave you and in time the ones you love will leave you too
dreams are not how they seemed back when you were young you lost your way and you couldn’t overcome
the times you’d hide what’s been building up inside cause dreams aren’t how they seemed when you were young

i saw the colours drained from your veins through the teeth of leeches

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